About a month ago I was home on a busy evening. With a growing family and a lot going on, my empathetic self was feeling a lot of feelings that weren't mine. When the family dinner was over and guests had left, I sat uncomfortably at the dinner table with my grandmother, sister and mom.
After some small talk I asked my grandma if she was mad at me. In a moment of chaos in the kitchen I said something to try to calm her down. She stopped talking to me abruptly and I felt it was intentional. I told her I was sorry if I offended her and automatically started crying. She asked me, confused, what I was talking about and as I tried to explain the precise moment she said, "ay mija. Ya no llores. No estoy enojada contigo. Esas palabras que se lo lleve el viento" (for you monolinguals: "Don’t cry. I’m not mad at you. Let the wind take those words.”) We hugged, relieving any animosity I had felt from her. Those words were very powerful for me to hear. As someone who grew up around a lot of adults that didn't express their emotions appropriately, it was a guessing game as to what was the root of passive aggressive behavior and this led to a lot of miscommunication and misguided frustration. Knowing this and being aware of how people giving me the cold shoulder triggers this abusive past, I took it upon myself to express myself. It was my responsibility to address my feelings. Think about it. I could have given her the cold shoulder back or just talked to her with anger. But that really hurts me. And underneath anger there is pain. Ah, but love is stronger. So I chose love. I didn’t know how she would respond, but I risked doing what I didn’t grow up being taught to do. And guess what? It worked. Because although I felt weak and fragile when I brought it up, my grandma assured me, “que se lo lleve el viento” let bygones be bygone. This was a perfect example of something turning out great, but what if we aren't met with positivity when we address something? We check in, we engage and we move on. We forgive ourselves if we weren't acting/thinking/talking from our best selves and then we let it go. We must understand the importance of not holding on to a moment that has already passed because we deserve inner peace and we can only truly live in the present. We don't lose our power when we let things go, we practice resilience. In order to do better we must be responsible for our words and actions. It is also important to step back and evaluate if others are triggering us and not replicate that behavior further. Just like 'people, places and things', your feelings don't belong to you--give them a breath and let them go. I am learning this only gets easier with practice.
18 Comments
Jennifer
1/18/2019 03:55:49 pm
Ah, thank you for this beautiful and important expression. It's something I need reminded of every now and again.
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